Family Funnies

#1 Tim and Jennifer are alone in the kitchen after putting kids to bed. Tim looks at the counter where he sees a gas station receipt that had been in his pocket. He then dutifully announces to Jennifer, "I got gas."

With a stunned look, Jennifer says nothing.

Realizing his mistake, Tim says, "No, I filled up the car with gas. Here's the receipt."

(we track all of our expenses during the month and Jennifer enters all of our expenses into a spreadsheet)
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#2 Sophie and Cole are watching a show together. Like she often does, Sophie grabs Cole and makes him sit between her legs on the floor - like he's on her lap. Sophie jumps up runs to the bathroom to take care of some personal business. When done she runs back to the living room saying that she needed to get back to Cole because "he needs some sister time."

Cole needs more sister time like he needs another bump on the head.